Comes the embarrassing meme
Jan. 21st, 2003 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rfmcdonaldFrom london_calling's livejournal. Apologies to my friends.
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Randy is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Tom. So everyone please put your hands together for Randy!
Jerry: Okay, now Randy you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: Jen.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Jen, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Randy, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Andrew!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a handgun. Andrew reaches for the sofa. Out of the shadows Erin appears.
Erin: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Andrew.
Andrew: Because I saw Randy and Erin making out at New York City!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Erin: That's a lie! I was home watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Andrew?
Andrew: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Tom who has recently become engaged to Erin.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Tom out here because Randy had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Jen that's right!
Tom: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Jen! You know I'm how I feel about Jen!.
Erin: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Jen!
Tom: Because I knew that I could never have Jen. But Randy promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Erin: What about respect for MY feelings!
Andrew walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Tom.
Andrew: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Erin: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Erin runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Erin: Randy take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Erin: Married?
You nod.
Erin: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Jen.
Tom: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Jen: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 23 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Randy is married to Jen who Tom has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Tom has recently become engaged to Erin who was recently spotted kissing Randy in the New York City. Now on top of this Andrew has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Tom.
Jen: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Randy is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Tom. So everyone please put your hands together for Randy!
Jerry: Okay, now Randy you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: Jen.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Jen, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Randy, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Andrew!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a handgun. Andrew reaches for the sofa. Out of the shadows Erin appears.
Erin: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Andrew.
Andrew: Because I saw Randy and Erin making out at New York City!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Erin: That's a lie! I was home watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Andrew?
Andrew: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Tom who has recently become engaged to Erin.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Tom out here because Randy had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Jen that's right!
Tom: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Jen! You know I'm how I feel about Jen!.
Erin: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Jen!
Tom: Because I knew that I could never have Jen. But Randy promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Erin: What about respect for MY feelings!
Andrew walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Tom.
Andrew: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Erin: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Erin runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Erin: Randy take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Erin: Married?
You nod.
Erin: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Jen.
Tom: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Jen: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 23 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Randy is married to Jen who Tom has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Tom has recently become engaged to Erin who was recently spotted kissing Randy in the New York City. Now on top of this Andrew has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Tom.
Jen: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.
