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rfmcdonaldOn Monday, I linked to Morocco-born Abdellah Taïa's biographical essay in the New York Times describing how he, an "effeminate little boy” was also a “boy to be sacrificed", how his non-conformity with the gender norms of his conservative Moroccan origins left him open to abuse by everyone. Not a woman to be sequestered, certainly not a proper man, young Taïa’s effeminacy marked him as an acceptable sexual object. It all culminated for him one night in a scene out of Biblical Sodom, when one night Taïa’s home was surrounded by men clamouring to have sex with him.
I’m willing to bet that this sort of blatant, almost socially acceptable if not socially expected, sexual abuse of gay children was exotic to most of Taïa’s readers, at least in North America and Europe. I fear that the lurid explicitness of Taïa’s description blinded many of these readers--including me--to the fact that very similar things go on in their countries.
The general consensus is that, while, non-heterosexual men and women are no more likely to molest children than their heterosexual counterparts, non-heterosexual children suffer substantially higher rates of harassment and assault--including sexual assault--than their heterosexual peers. The problem is very serious.
In a 2005 post at the Box Turtle Bulletin, Jim Burroway notes the existence of two categories of sexual molesters of children, fixated and regressed. Fixated molesters haven’t progressed beyond beyond childhood, basically. Regressed molesters?
Regressed molesters describe their attraction to young boys as lying in their non-masculine physical appearance: “the young boys did not have any body hair and that their bodies were soft and smooth.”
I’m willing to bet that non-gender-conforming behaviour is also a risk factor for children--in fact, one recent study indicates just this.
Is Abdellah Taïa's experience of attempted sexual abuse on the grounds of his childhood gender non-conformity really so foreign? Or does it represent a phenomenon that only now, as the bullying and abuse of non-conforming children is confronted really for the first time, people are starting to pick up on everywhere? I say that having this phenomenon hidden from any kind of public discussion is just another way of tacitly accepting it.
It all came to a head one summer night in 1985. It was too hot. Everyone was trying in vain to fall asleep. I, too, lay awake, on the floor beside my sisters, my mother close by. Suddenly, the familiar voices of drunken men reached us. We all heard them. The whole family. The whole neighborhood. The whole world. These men, whom we all knew quite well, cried out: “Abdellah, little girl, come down. Come down. Wake up and come down. We all want you. Come down, Abdellah. Don’t be afraid. We won’t hurt you. We just want to have sex with you.”
They kept yelling for a long time. My nickname. Their desire. Their crime. They said everything that went unsaid in the too-silent, too-respectful world where I lived. But I was far, then, from any such analysis, from understanding that the problem wasn’t me. I was simply afraid. Very afraid.
I’m willing to bet that this sort of blatant, almost socially acceptable if not socially expected, sexual abuse of gay children was exotic to most of Taïa’s readers, at least in North America and Europe. I fear that the lurid explicitness of Taïa’s description blinded many of these readers--including me--to the fact that very similar things go on in their countries.
The general consensus is that, while, non-heterosexual men and women are no more likely to molest children than their heterosexual counterparts, non-heterosexual children suffer substantially higher rates of harassment and assault--including sexual assault--than their heterosexual peers. The problem is very serious.
Martin and Hetrick (1988) in their study of gay and lesbian teens reported that the third most frequently reported problem for gay teens was violence. Over 40% of their sample had suffered violence because of their sexual orientation, and 49% of the violence occurred within the family. Others have obtained similar findings (Harry, 1989). They also reported that 22% of gay teens in their sample had been sexually abused. Consistent with sexual abuse of female children, most were abused or raped by male relatives. Most blamed themselves or were blamed by others because of their sexual orientation.
In a 2005 post at the Box Turtle Bulletin, Jim Burroway notes the existence of two categories of sexual molesters of children, fixated and regressed. Fixated molesters haven’t progressed beyond beyond childhood, basically. Regressed molesters?
[T]he regressed molester is very different. His attraction to children is usually more temporary. Unlike the fixated molester, the regressed molester’s primary sexual attraction is toward other adults. But stressful conditions that go along with adult responsibly or difficulties in his adult relationships may overwhelm him, causing his sexual focus to “regress” towards children. This regression sometimes serves as a substitute for adult relationship, and his attraction to children may vary according to the varying stresses he encounters in his adult life demands.
In some cases, he may temporarily relate to the child as a peer, much as a fixated offender relates to children. But more often, he is simply lashing out against the stresses in his life, and the child becomes a convenient target. The offender may find a sense of power in his sexual relationship with a child that he doesn't get with an adult. When that happens this relationship with the child is often violent. But regardless of the nature of the relationship, the gender of the child is often irrelevant — it’s the easy access and vulnerability that makes the child a target.
Regressed offenders are typically heterosexual in their adult relationships. Unlike our three percent sample, they date women and marry them. They often are parents, stepparents or extended family members of their victims. By all appearances — and by their own self-identification — they are straight.
Regressed molesters describe their attraction to young boys as lying in their non-masculine physical appearance: “the young boys did not have any body hair and that their bodies were soft and smooth.”
I’m willing to bet that non-gender-conforming behaviour is also a risk factor for children--in fact, one recent study indicates just this.
Some of the childhood abuse victims in the study were gay, but most of them were straight—nearly 60 percent of them identified as heterosexual, and another 25 percent of them identified as "mostly" hetero, compared to about 10 percent who identified as gay or lesbian. (Unfortunately, the study didn't also ask them if they identified as transgender).
Previous studies on gender identity and abuse focused squarely on "small samples of gay, lesbian, and bisexual adults recruited through gay and lesbian community venues." They hadn't looked into how homophobia affects kids who aren't gay, but are perceived—or feared—to be so. Homophobia is so pervasive that even the perception that a kid might be gay can inspire homophobic parents to "become more physically or psychologically abusive in an attempt to discourage their child’s gender nonconformity or same-sex orientation,"the study posits. Outside influence hurts, too. Some parents may abuse their children because they "think others will assume their child will be gay or lesbian."
Is Abdellah Taïa's experience of attempted sexual abuse on the grounds of his childhood gender non-conformity really so foreign? Or does it represent a phenomenon that only now, as the bullying and abuse of non-conforming children is confronted really for the first time, people are starting to pick up on everywhere? I say that having this phenomenon hidden from any kind of public discussion is just another way of tacitly accepting it.
