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rfmcdonaldThis morning, I linked to Towleroad's report about the suicide of Leelah Alcorn, a trans teen in Ohio who killed herself in despair over her life. Before she did so, she prepared a suicide note which she posted on her Tumblr.
This note has since been shared nearly two hundred thousand times as of now. (When I first saw it a few hours ago, it had well under a hundred thousand.) In addition, Leelah's suicide note has managed to make national, even international news.
This is so terribly sad. All I can do at this stage is express my hope that this note, by putting a face to the struggles of trans teenagers, will help humanize them.
It's better to notice a problem late than not to notice it at all, and Leelah's death may mean quite a lot. Even so, her death can't help but mean much less than her life, if only she had been able to continue.
When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.
My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.
When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.
[. . .]
After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.
This note has since been shared nearly two hundred thousand times as of now. (When I first saw it a few hours ago, it had well under a hundred thousand.) In addition, Leelah's suicide note has managed to make national, even international news.
This is so terribly sad. All I can do at this stage is express my hope that this note, by putting a face to the struggles of trans teenagers, will help humanize them.
It's better to notice a problem late than not to notice it at all, and Leelah's death may mean quite a lot. Even so, her death can't help but mean much less than her life, if only she had been able to continue.
