(no subject)
Dec. 1st, 2002 02:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rfmcdonaldMy friends.
Quite frankly, I needed to come out. Even if I was actually straight (hmm, there's an interesting personal alternate history), I needed some realization of myself that would jolt me from my comfortable personal isolationism, some realization of a profound fact of myself that would make me change, force me into the society of men (used in the generic sense of "all people").
It's true that without SHWI, I wouldn't have realized I was bi for longer. Then again, without SHWI I still would have realized. Apparently realizing your sexual orientation when you've repressed things for so long involves some kind of major external stressor, like my Honours English essay. And without SHWI, I wouldn't have know what I could have done, who I could have turned to.
At best, I'd've had a nervous collapse.
At worst (and, if I do say so myself, far more probably), I'd've killed myself after months of agonizing torment not knownig where I could've turned. Hopefully it would have been spectacular, if only to spare other people that torment. Maybe I'd've gotten a scholarship named after me.
That, as of now, there isn't any discussion to establish an R.F. McDonald Memorial Scholarship, accompanied by tearful and perhaps utterly confused wonderings of why I did it, is owing entirely to my friends. I like having friends and acquaintances, especially people I know to be at least the latter if not the former; I like being part of a network of people of increasing density across continents and oceans.
You all know if you are a friend or acquaintance. If you even suspect that you might be, you're certainly right. And I owe you all my life. There's no way I can repay that.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Quite frankly, I needed to come out. Even if I was actually straight (hmm, there's an interesting personal alternate history), I needed some realization of myself that would jolt me from my comfortable personal isolationism, some realization of a profound fact of myself that would make me change, force me into the society of men (used in the generic sense of "all people").
It's true that without SHWI, I wouldn't have realized I was bi for longer. Then again, without SHWI I still would have realized. Apparently realizing your sexual orientation when you've repressed things for so long involves some kind of major external stressor, like my Honours English essay. And without SHWI, I wouldn't have know what I could have done, who I could have turned to.
At best, I'd've had a nervous collapse.
At worst (and, if I do say so myself, far more probably), I'd've killed myself after months of agonizing torment not knownig where I could've turned. Hopefully it would have been spectacular, if only to spare other people that torment. Maybe I'd've gotten a scholarship named after me.
That, as of now, there isn't any discussion to establish an R.F. McDonald Memorial Scholarship, accompanied by tearful and perhaps utterly confused wonderings of why I did it, is owing entirely to my friends. I like having friends and acquaintances, especially people I know to be at least the latter if not the former; I like being part of a network of people of increasing density across continents and oceans.
You all know if you are a friend or acquaintance. If you even suspect that you might be, you're certainly right. And I owe you all my life. There's no way I can repay that.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
