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rfmcdonaldIt occurred to me a few times, as I tried frantically to think of a Hallowe'en costume this past week or so, that it ranked as mildly ironic that I was trying to figure out a temporary persona for costume purposes even as I was still at a loss trying to figure out who I was. Anyone who knows me in person, or who has been reading this blog for a while, knows that the question of self-definition has long been perplexing. I suppose that I've made quite a bit of progress in the last three and a half years, especially considering that I began my not considering myself an individual with a future. It's nice to be confident about my ability to pass a Turing test.
Even so, even now, I can be abominably unclear, to myself about my motives, to other people about my first principles. I tend not to be very creative, at least where the forging of new routines comes in. Take, as a single instance, the way that I neglected to out myself to almost all of my Queen's friends and acquaintances. I didn't know how to politely reveal that information, effective routines are important to me, and so I felt I'd no option but to not mention it on the grounds that no one asked. I wasn't in the closet, after all? How much more rewarding my time at Queen's might have been had I not been so conservative, so terrified of change.
I'm 25 now, have been for ten months. Here I am, there I've been, over there I've yet to go, fortunately there's still time. J'irais, plutôt j'y vais.
Even so, even now, I can be abominably unclear, to myself about my motives, to other people about my first principles. I tend not to be very creative, at least where the forging of new routines comes in. Take, as a single instance, the way that I neglected to out myself to almost all of my Queen's friends and acquaintances. I didn't know how to politely reveal that information, effective routines are important to me, and so I felt I'd no option but to not mention it on the grounds that no one asked. I wasn't in the closet, after all? How much more rewarding my time at Queen's might have been had I not been so conservative, so terrified of change.
I'm 25 now, have been for ten months. Here I am, there I've been, over there I've yet to go, fortunately there's still time. J'irais, plutôt j'y vais.
